“Like a cardioversion for your brain,” was what a friend told me when I first told her that the psychiatrist had mentioned the possibility.

Yup. I’m talking about ECT- electroconvulsive therapy, or “shock therapy” as it’s colloquially known.

One of the most controversial and stigmatized treatments for depression and other mental illness.

To start off, for those of you who don’t already know, a cardioversion is performed when someone’s heart is in an abnormal rhythm, with the intent to “shock” it back to normal. It’s a fairly simple procedure, performed under anesthesia. It generally only takes a few minutes. I’ll save you the long drawn out explanation, but it’s pretty successful at restoring a normal cardiac rhythm and the person continues on with their life as normal.

ECT works similarly on the brain. It can help reset some of the chemicals that transfer messages through the pathways of the brain and assist in correcting the biochemical changes that occur in the brains of people with mental illness. Of course, this is putting it rather simply- the full effects and mechanism of action of ECT on the brain and how it works to improve symptoms of mental illness are largely unknown, as with many medical interventions, particularly those to do with the mind. The brain is pretty complex, y’all.

Now I’m not a mind reader, but I’m pretty sure I can imagine what image first pops into your mind when I say ECT. It’s probably in black and white, and probably set in the 1950’s or earlier. Rest assured- while they do in fact induce a seizure through electrodes on your temples, it is done under anesthesia with a sedative and paralytic. This means the seizure activity is barely noticeable, mostly just a few muscle twitches and the brain waves on the ECT monitor. There’s no restraints tying you down as your body thrashes against the bed. Like really guys, they let your family/support people watch if you/they want to.

ECT is mainly performed on people with treatment resistant depression, that is, depression that hasn’t responded to medications or traditional psychotherapy. It can also be used in the treatment of bipolar mania and schizophrenia. It has a 60-80% success rate in achieving remission in those with treatment resistant depression (you can’t see me, but I’m over here raising my hand- this is where I fit in!)

When I was admitted to hospital I had already tried eight different antidepressants in various combinations over a period of five years. While I was in hospital, I tried medications nine, ten, and eleven with little to no improvement. My psychiatrist believed that ECT was a good option for me at this time. I was terrified- that same black and white image from the 50’s popping into my mind. But I was also desperate for something to work so I could get back to my life.

My first treatment was around the middle of November, approximately two months into my admission. I remember being TERRIFIED. “What if I end up needing to be intubated due to a reaction to the anesthesia?”, “What if I’m part of the small percentage of people who have major side effects?”, “What if I lose my memory and can never do my job again?” – these were all the (mostly) irrational thoughts that ran constantly through my head. Luckily my parents are amazing, supportive people and my dad was there at 6:30 am to keep me company throughout the entire experience.

Now the actual event was pretty anticlimactic considering I was knocked out the whole time. The anesthetic burned my arm badly. I remember saying “ouch” and then my face and body felt funny. And then I woke up as they were wheeling me out of the room into recovery where I hung out for a bit until they deemed me “awake enough” to go back to the ward.

I was pretty lucky that my side effects were very minimal. After the first treatment, the headache and muscle pain was so bad it was almost intolerable. Luckily there exists a magical drug called Toradol which they can give you pre procedure and would kick those symptoms in the butt. I had a lot of grogginess and would usually sleep most of the day after treatment. Some of my memories from right before that time and during that time are a bit fuzzy, but for the most part there was no major impact on my memory.

So here we are now. I received 12 ECT treatments in total over a period of six weeks. And it saved my life. I was discharged from hospital three days after my final ECT treatment. I’m currently still taking an antidepressant, funny enough it’s actually the first one I ever tried back in 2013 but at a higher, more appropriate dose. There’s obviously been some ups and downs, but those of you who are close to me can see the difference in me now vs. September 2018.

It took me a while to be open about the fact that I received this treatment. I only told a select number of people at first. Many of my coworkers know now, as it has come up during casual conversation, and I am more than happy to share my experiences. There is so much being done to destigmatize mental illness and taking medication, however there is still a lot of stigma surrounding ECT. I am not afraid to say that this treatment saved my life. I wouldn’t be ashamed of saying that I needed to shock my heart back to normal, and I shouldn’t be ashamed to say the same about my brain. I’m hoping that in sharing this, I may have taught you something new, or opened your mind to different possiblities, or maybe even helped you or someone you love who is struggling.

As always, please feel free to ask me any questions you have!

Love,

Katey.