The Messy Part of Recovery- Relapse.

Unfortunately I’m writing this blog post from an acute mental health ward. Recovery is up and down, and these past few weeks have been a steady decline leading to a steep jump off a cliff (figuratively, that is).

I will save you the boring (and possibly triggering/upsetting) details; however feel free to message me if you’d like to know more, I am more than willing to share privately. A suicide attempt on Friday night landed me in the ER where I work, where I received excellent care from my amazing coworkers and one of my favourite ER physicians.

On Saturday I was transferred to a, let’s say, less than ideal mental health ward where I spent the weekend under an involuntary admission. I was discharged on Monday morning after speaking to a psychiatrist for approximately one minute, and telling him that I was still having suicidal thoughts.

At the request of my parents, roommate/best friend, and other friends, I agreed to come to another hospital with my mom on Monday afternoon. This is the hospital where I was admitted for three months last fall. On Tuesday afternoon I was transferred from psychiatric emergency services to the acute mental health ward.

So that’s the past few days in a nutshell. I am so incredibly lucky to have the family and friends that I do. I am so appreciative of the ones who have made the trip to visit me already and for the ones who have supported me via text. I could not do this without the love and support of the amazing people in my life.

I think I’ll keep this post short but sweet, and update at a later date. I apologize to everyone that I may have upset over the past week. Please know that after a lot of reflection, I regret doing what I did but it felt like the only way to escape what I was feeling. I am dedicated to getting back on track with recovery by staying here as long as my physicians deem necessary to get the help that I need.

Thank you again to everyone who has reached out- you have made this experience way less crappy.

I have decided to use this set back as a reality check that recovery is not linear, but relapse doesn’t erase all of your achievements thus far.

Love, Katey.